 |
Home Contact Communication Teens |
|
Love will never reject others. It is the first to encourage and the last to condemn. |
Communication
Here's a little bit of help for you old folks...just so ya can understand man....groovy eh? All that = Perfect ( as in, "She thinks
she's all that.") How To Talk To Your Kids About Drugs The best thing about this subject is that you don’t have to do it well. You simply have to try. If you try, your kids will get the message.
The alternative is to ignore the subject. Including those who use drugs. And those who sell them. Accept rebellion At the heart of it, drugs, alcohol, wild hairstyles, trendy clothes, ear-splitting music, outrageous language are different ways of expressing teenage rebellion. That’s not all bad. Part of growing up is to create a separate identity, apart from parents--a process which ultimately leads to feelings of self worth. A step along that path is rebellion of one kind or another--which is to say rejecting parental values, and staking out new ones. You did it. They’re doing it. And that’s the way it is. The problem comes when kids choose a path of rebellion that hurts them, destroys their self worth, and can ultimately kill them. That’s the reality of drugs. Don’t get discouraged When you talk to your kids about drugs, it may seem as though nothing is getting through. Don’t you believe it. The very fact that you say it gives special weight to whatever you say. But whether or not your kids let on they’ve heard you, whether or not they play back your words weeks or months later, keep trying. Start anywhere "Have you heard about any kids using drugs?" "What kind of drugs?" "How do you feel about that?" "Why do you think kids get involved with drugs?" "How do other kids deal with peer pressure to use drugs? Which approaches make sense to you?" "Have you talked about any of this in school? However you get into the subject, it’s important to state exactly how strongly you feel about it. Not in threatening tones. But in matter-of-fact, unmistakably clear language: "Drugs are a way of hurting yourself." "Drugs take all the promise of being young and destroy it." "I love you too much to see you throw your life down the drain." Some dos and don’ts The dos are as simple as speaking from the heart. The biggest don’t is don’t do all the talking. If you listen to your kids--really listen and read between the lines–you’ll learn a lot about what they think. About drugs. About themselves. About the world. And about you. They’ll also feel heard and that, too, is a step along the path toward self esteem. There are other dos and don’ts. Don’t threaten. Don’t badger them. Don’t put your kid on the spot by asking directly if he or she has ever tried drugs. They’ll probably lie, which undermines your whole conversation. If you suspect your child is on drugs-there are all sorts of symptoms--that’s a different matter. Then you’ve got to confront the subject directly. In the meantime, just talk to them. It’s okay if you don’t know much about drugs. Your kids do. But they need to know how you feel about the subject. And whether you care. For more information on how to talk with your kids about drugs, ask for a free copy of "Keeping Youth Drug-Free." Call 1-800-788-2800 or visit their web sites at www.projectknow.com and www.drugfreeamerica.org. Published by the Office of National Drug Control Policy Partnership for a Drug-Free America, copyright free. Feel free to reproduce this article. Keep Communication Honest With Teens Teen years are difficult for everyone. I have told my children that the puberty fairy must come and just suck my brains out once they reach teen years, because I get so stupid. I know this because I am advised with boisterous sincerity by each teen who has shared my home. In my last 25 years of stupidity I have discovered that special one on one activities, providing taxi service or working together on a specific chore offers doors to communication. While my brain is on stand-by, let me give you some of the things I have learned from my teen geniuses:
Teens are especially vulnerable to stress. In their time of discovery of who they are, they waltz through relationships and dangers we adults usually have the wisdom to avoid. Providing a listening, open communication path allows them a safe harbor when life’s hard knocks push them on the ground. I usually try to keep my arms available for “life preserving hugs.” Call Me Card My Gift To You There are many times when you are confronted with situations where alcohol and other dangerous drugs are available and can present a problem. Please accept this card as my gift to you. If you are ever in a situation where you feel unsafe due to the potential for drinking and driving or any other potential danger, know you can call me because I am your friend. Name_______________________________________ Phone_______________________________________ Valid: Forever Teen Jargon - Does It Matter? Be FAIR When they throw out four “F---” bombs in the same sentence you wonder how one word could be used as an adjective, noun and verb between the capital letter and the end punctuation of that sentence. Teens love their own language. It is a sense of empowerment and independence; language only they understand, excluding those who don’t understand their secret jargon – hopefully their parents. When teens use the word “gay” they usually don’t mean the sexual orientation of another person. When they use the word “lame” they may not even realize it references physical disabilities. When they use the word “nigger” clad in "nigga" they have not had historic experiences of their ancestors of the hard won fight for civil rights. When they throw out four “F---” bombs in the same sentence you wonder how one word could be used as a adjective, noun and verb between the capital letter and the end punctuation of that sentence. We have not begun to discuss the “S, B or A” words. What happens when the words they use cause offense to others. Should we care? Struggling for independence each generation of teens finds an outlet of rebellion. In this age of information many teens have chosen language. Teens are bombarded by media using language and innuendoes that gray our adult hair and add frown wrinkles to our faces. There are times I shake my head in wonder that a person with such language is not only standing in my kitchen, but also living in my house! Historically teens have used language different from the adult establishment. For some this is an easy and safe outlet of choice. For others the words evoke passion and adult reactions – an easy button to push and gain results. Teens use language to “belong” and fit in with peers. Often they are so busy trying to fit in themselves they never consider how their own actions or speaking may affect another person. “It’s Not Fair!” may be a common statement – to which we reply “No one said life was fair.” Life may not be fair, but each of us can chose to make it more or less fair for another person. It is our personal actions and words that make this world a better or worse place to live. Each individual is accountable for our own behaviors. Teens desire fairness. They need clear direction from adults on what “FAIR” means. An easy acronym is: F = Focus on your own behavior A = Acknowledge differences I = Information to understand R = Respect in words and deeds Young people need to understand the difference between taunting and teasing, flirting and harassment, joking and emotional violence. They need to understand “only kidding” may be cruel when you are the intended or unintended victim. What is “FAIR” for one individual may be very “UNFAIR” for another. Our country is gloriously made up of many different cultures and it would be impossible for anyone of us to understand the nuances and subtly differences we each contributes to this tapestry. As adults it is important to speak up when a word or action causes pain. Don’t be afraid to teach the children in your home to be FAIR. Jodee Kulp, Editor, Our FamiliesDon’t assume that you “know” your teen. Be interested and objective; observe and learn about the new person he is becoming. Listen openly to what he says about his ideas, fears and dreams. The things he says may actually keep changing as he solidifies his values. Or just a normal adolescent going through the growing pains of becoming an adult? There are some tell-tale signs of a truly troubled teenager. Parents should be on the look out for these signs and take a closer look should they recognize a number of them in their child. Parents who take an honest look at their child should trust their instincts; if you think your child is in trouble, take action now. Signs of a troubled teen:
|
|
Foster and Adoptive Care Association
of Minnesota |
|
