Love means believing in someone, in something. It supposes a willingness to struggle, to work, to suffer and to rejoice. Satisfaction and ultimate fulfillment are byproducts of dedicated love. They belong only to those who can reach beyond themselves; to whom giving is more important than receiving.

Techniques

• Forgiveness and Understanding

• Listening Tips

“Forgiveness is the ability to give love away in the most difficult of circumstances.” 
Wayne W. Dyer

Next time you are face-to-face with your angry teen try “active listening” by describing what the teen is saying back to him/her. Acknowledge the anger “You seem to be upset about something.” Then listen and respond “Oh, I see, the teacher . . .  so you feel really frustrated about that. It is understandable to be frustrated. Let’s see what we can do about it.”

Listen With Your Heart

Active listening is a skill we all need to practice - it includes - empathy, attention and respect and goes a long way to showing another person you care about them.

Here are some listening tips:

• Shut off the TV or put down the dish towel. Make eye contact with the person. When a child is trying to express a problem or idea, put your thoughts or actions aside for a few minutes. The time you spend helping the child process may save you hours of problems and headaches later.

• Don’t rush to solutions, ideas or a lecture. Children often just need a sounding board to help them think things through. Use caution when a child is talking about a friend, they are often speaking of themselves. Don’t solve your child’s problem.

• Demonstrate you are listening to your child with appropriate questions and sounds – um, I see, what do you think you can do about that, wow, that must have hurt.

• Help your child focus on solutions

Foster and Adoptive Care Association of Minnesota
P.O. box 48716
Minneapolis, MN 55448-0716
612-233-3399

Articles have been reprinted from News and Views of Our Families 1992-2004