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“Men are the single greatest untapped resource in the lives of American children.” Love means believing in someone, in something. It supposes a willingness to struggle, to work, to suffer and to rejoice. Satisfaction and ultimate fulfillment are byproducts of dedicated love. They belong only to those who can reach beyond themselves; to whom giving is more important than receiving.
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Survival
On tough days put the child to bed early. When they ask why, tell them they’ve used up all your energy so you need time for you so you can be a good mommy tomorrow. If they can save some of your energy tomorrow, they can stay up later. Then go put your feet up with a cup of tea and a magazine. Restitution Instead of punishing a child for misbaheving or treating another child poorly have them provide restitution to the person they have transgressed. It allows the child to practice positive actions and encourages the other child to have positive feelings toward a difficult child. Blow Out Minutes Some kids simply can’t hold it together all day long. Offer them a “blow out” coupon once a day. When they give you the “blow out” coupon they can have five minutes to yell, scream, jump, make faces and be rude. They cannot be physically violent to people, animals or things. When five minutes are over the time is up until they can earn another Blow Out coupon by being good. Time Out Chores Forcing a child who cannot sit still in time out may escalate the problem. Make up a take action jar for those kids who simply can’t maintain but time outs don’t work well. In the bag or jar add: simple chores, going up and down the stairs, 5 mins. strong sitting, carrying 10 pcs of wood, 10 sloppy sit ups, 10 minutes of colors, a bowl of ice cream, leg lifts, 10 perfect push ups, 6 high jumping jacks, organizing a small drawer or closet area. Occasionally give them consequences they may like like have them count M&M’s and eat the red ones one at a time but not the other colors, have them put on their swimsuit and test out the garden hose. Or surprise them with “Let me see how that consequence went. Wow! You did exactly what I expected. A really crappy job! Way to go! Give me five” and let it go. I Hate You You’re Not A Good Mom! When you hear that comment, consider not taking it personally. Simply smile and say “I bet you feel like that” and walk away while they finish the project or task they have been given.
99 Ways
to Drive Your Child Sane All I can say about this book is it is a MUST HAVE for foster and adoptive parents. It is filled with silly ideas written by Brita St. Claire who is a therapeutic treatment parent for The Attachment Center at Evergreen in Colorado. Here are a few excerpts from her wonderfully outrageous book of ideas. #4 THE BIG SNEEZE For a kid who has a “snotty” attitude (and most of ours do). Walk by and hand him a tissue. Don’t say anything, just hand it to the child. If he asks what it’s for just say, “I thought you might need it.” See if he ever catches on to this on his own. #25 MEAN WHAT YOU SAY A lot of RAD kids have trouble asking the adult for what they need. Instead, they come up and make a statement. This can be handled several fun ways: The child is suppose to carry the laundry basket to his room. He says, “This is heavy.” Some of your responses could be: 1) You pick it up and over exaggerate how heavy it is, put it back down and say, “You're right! That IS heavy!” 2) You pick up the basket which is really light and put it on your head or shoulders, turn around in a circle singing, “He’s not heavy he’s my brother.” 3) Say, “No, it’s a laundry basket, not a heavy. A heavy is more of a greenish color and has five legs.” I really love it when a child just comes up and says, “I’m hungry.” I usually say, “Pleased to meet you hungry. I’m thirsty and these are my friends (point to other people, animals or objects close by) nauseous, stuffed and starved to death.” #36 WHAT’S STUPID For kids who always say, “That’s stupid,” say, “No, this is stupid,” and do something really crazy like walk backwards with your head between your legs. She also provides great ideas for No Practice, Slow Practice and Keep Mama Happy Practice which I am not sharing because I really believe this little book is worth $10.00 dollars. You will be laughing and getting some really safe creative ideas. Books can be purchased at Families by Design, PO Box 2812, Glenwood Springs, CO 81602. |
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Foster and Adoptive Care Association
of Minnesota |
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