Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself!

Friends, you and me ....You brought another friend .... And then there were 3. We started our group .... Our circle of friends .....
There is no beginning and there is no end!

Love will never reject others. It is the first to encourage and the last to condemn.

I have learned...

Laughing is good exercise, it is like jogging on the inside. Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree.

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do as long as you’re on the ground. 

• Families Need Support
• Life Preserver
• Do's and Don't of Community Activism
• Be Thankful With a Grateful Heart
• Take a Stand
• Remember Them: Farewell Minnesota
• Child Welfare League of America
• To: Minnesota Foster Care Association
• Changing the Flow
• Lots of Love
• A Tribute
• Outreach Organizations
• Ginny Laughinghouse Recognized
• We Are a Culture
• Choosing a Therapist

Families need support to make best decisions about children
By Sara McNee

Making decisions about children’s health, safety, education and general well-being is what families do every day. Building on that realization and the belief that families know what is best for them, Family Group Decision Making helps families reunite with children in the child protection system and out-of-home placement.

Family Group Decision Making is a process that brings together important adults in children’s lives’ including parents, other relatives, close friends’ from near and far to make decisions and develop a plan for children to return home safely. Using the input of experts in education, developmental disabilities, children’s mental health and other arenas, families design plans that could include measures to ensure children are well fed, attend school daily, and receive counseling and care for disabilities.

The process is two-fold. To begin with, experts provide information to families, answer questions about their concerns and refer them to other sources of information or services. Once that is done, the experts leave and the families begin their work. They brainstorm, debate, discuss and eventually develop a plan that they present to a social service caseworker. Supporters of the process believe that when families develop plans, they have more information about their family’s resources than caseworkers, develop a greater number of alternative solutions and are more committed to making the plan work than they would be if someone else developed one for them.

Family Group Decision Making, which originated in New Zealand and Oregon 10 years ago, is based on the belief that families can and will take care of their children if we in the child protection system give them the support they need. This process brings together all the members of children’s families to develop a plan to keep children safe.

It also increases the number of people looking out for children’s safety, enhances the relationships between children and numerous family members, and reinforces families’ responsibility of caring for their children.

With information and support from social services and other experts, and using their own resources and skills, families can make decisions about what their strengths are, what issues they need to resolve and what creative solutions they know will work for them.

By the end of the year, the Minnesota Department of Human Services will issue grants totaling $1.5 million to counties and tribes throughout the state to reunify families with children who have been in out-of-home placement, such as foster care, group homes, emergency shelters or residential treatment centers, for less than 15 months. Counties and tribes will use these grants through March 2002. Olmsted, Ramsey and Hennipen Counties already have Family Group Decision Making programs in place.

Our job is not to take over but rather to help families, to build on their strengths, and to give them the tools they need to enhance their families and ultimately their communities.

Sara McNeely develops and interprets foster care policies for the Minnesota Department of Human Services.

Do’s and Don’ts of Community Activism

Do

• Work with others

• Start locally and then grow

• Use media

• Be creative

• Think out of the box

• Research and develop a plan

• Be tactful and polite

• Be bold

Don’t

• Be afraid to ask for help

• Let money prevent your efforts

• Procrastinate

• Make others feel guilty about the issue

• Listen to others who say you can’t

• Preach

• Limit your horizons

Be Thankful With A Grateful Heart

There is Volunteer Work Enough for Everyone!

The 3 RICHEST PEOPLE in the world own assets that exceed the combined gross domestic products of the world's POOREST 48 COUNTRIES.

Among the 4.4 billion people who live in developing countries, THREE-FIFTHS have no access to basic sanitation, almost ONE-THIRD are without safe drinking water, ONE-QUARTER lack adequate housing, ONE-FIFTH live beyond reach of modern health services, ONE-FIFTH of the children do not get as far as grade five in school, and ONE-FIFTH are undernourished.

Basic education for all would cost $6 BILLION a year--EIGHT BILLION is spent annually for cosmetics in the United States alone.  Installation of water and sanitation for all would cost $9 BILLION plus some annual costs--ELEVEN BILLION is spent annually on ice cream in Europe.

Reproductive health services for all women would cost $12 BILLION a year--TWELVE BILLION a year is spent on perfumes in Europe and the United States.

Basic health care and nutrition would cost $13 BILLION. SEVENTEEN BILLION a year is spent on pet food in Europe and the United States. $35 BILLION is spent on business entertainment in Japan;$50 BILLION on cigarettes in Europe;$105 BILLION on alcoholic drinks in Europe;$400 BILLION on narcotic drugs around the world; and $780 BILLION on the world's militaries.

Source: United Nations Development Programme, Human Development Report 1998 (New York: Oxford University Press, 1998).

Take a Stand for Children: Everyone can Make a Difference

Everyone can do something:

• Join or form a Children's Action Team (CAT) that engages in needed advocacy and service initiatives for children in my community and encourages more community members and leaders to Stand For Children.

• You can have a story hour in my living room every week for neighborhood children.

• Survey my community for abandoned houses, vacant lots, and drug houses that are harmful to children and work to get rid of them.

• Form a library club on my block and escort children to the library once a month.

• Help children on my block create a neighborhood or container garden

• Call a radio talk show to speak out on behalf of children and speak the truth to those who spread a message of hate, fear, and prejudice.

• Learn about which elected officials support children's issues and vote for them and encourage others to do the same.

• Organize a summer nutrition program to provide needed meals for hungry children.

• Invite a teenager to accompany me twice a week on my morning run or walk or invite a neighborhood child to accompany my family on a trip to a museum or playground.

• Ask my social club, employer, sorority or fraternity to adopt a school or a class.

• Read to a child in a children's hospital for an hour on Saturday afternoons twice a month.

• Make sure my children know about the dangers of handguns.

• Hold a yard sale and donate the proceeds to an after-school program.

• Write a letter to the editor about children's issues in my community or meet with my newspaper's editorial board to educate them about the needs of children in my community.

• Find out about local immunization projects and share the information with parents in my neighborhood - or organize one myself.

• Give one child a music lesson once a week.

• Attend police and community meetings and raise concerns about children's safety.

• Organize a winter coat and shoe drive for children in need or encourage my children to donate some of their toys to another child or shelter.

• Encourage my employer to institute a flex time policy that encourages employees to attend school-related activities - or start one myself if I am an employer.

• Make sure that there are no toxic materials like lead paint in my home.

• Raise or give money to sponsor a child for a week at camp.

• Buy extra school supplies when I shop with my children and donate them to a shelter or neighborhood school.

• Collect used children's books from my neighbors and donate them to a children's program or a child health clinic.

• Ask my house of worship to open their building at night for children in the community who need tutoring.

• Demand that store owners in my neighborhood not sell alcohol or cigarettes to minors.

• Start a bus token drive for students who cannot afford transportation costs to school.

Visit http://www.stand.org/chapters to learn more about this national organization, contact MN members or enjoy one of these summer events.

Farewell, Minnesota
by Stefanie Cox

Foster parents are special, generous, and optimistic people. They make the world a better place. How do I say good-bye to friends who have encouraged me, challenged me, and inspired me to become a better person than I thought possible? I have been a “career” foster parent for almost ten years. How do I give up a part of my identity? I thought I would be right here, doing foster care for 200 or more children until I’m 70+. Our licensing worker called in January about a referral for a sibling group of three, ages 4, 3, and 2— exactly what we’ve been waiting and hoping for. It was agony to say no.

I’ve never done more meaningful, worthwhile work in any other capacity. It forces people to stretch and grow beyond belief. Foster families learn to be humble, to trust, to forgive, to empathize, and to love with intensity. We also learn to let go. My family must leave foster care, at least for a time. My mother was critically ill in October 1998. This was a frightening time for our family. Other family members are aging and struggling with health as well. We have decided that we need to live closer and will relocate to Maryland in May.

Many of you know that we experienced a “substantiated” false allegation a little over a year ago. We are still reeling from the impact. Our legal defense cost almost $8,000. The incomplete and flawed investigation had no concrete evidence (no witness, although four other children were present in the home, no mark, no picture). It was a child’s word against ours. And the investigating social worker believed the child. We appealed and we won.

But what a victory.

• Our foster children were gone,

• Our adopted children (as well as us parents) were traumatized,

• Our business suffered,

• Our income dropped, and

• Our expenses skyrocketed. The county still refuses to destroy the records. It would cost another $3,500 to $6,500 to get this done.

• Four other families in addition to ours have dropped out of foster care and adoption as a direct and indirect result of the allegation.

I still believe that foster care positives outweigh the negatives.

I think of some social workers as lighthouses in the storm: Karen Hulteen and Julie Dahl. I’d like to say thank you.

Foster parents have become my closest friends, offering shoulders to cry on, wise counsel, generosity, prayers and practical suggestions. I especially think of Bev Horan, Vicki Ness, and Jodee Kulp.

What can we do to improve the system? Educate ourselves and others. We must anticipate and prepare for the worst, while hoping for the best. Volunteers of America in Golden Valley offers a training workshop on allegations. I recommend it to every foster care provider. Jodee Kulp and I will be presenting a workshop, “Allegations: Preventing Them and Surviving the Process,” at the Minnesota Social Service Association (MSSA) conference on March 24th, 8:00-11:00 am. Jodee is author of Families at Risk, a book about allegations. I hope you can attend. Thank you for your continued work with precious children and adults.

Up until October, I never dreamed of leaving. If it weren’t for the allegation, we would be busy with foster care right now. At this time Richard and I need to serve our respective families. I wish you strength, passion, and courage in the work ahead. I wish you miracles.

Dorothy Bodlovick Selected Winner Of Outstanding Service Award By The Child Welfare League Of America

Dorothy Bodlovick, foster parent and personal care attendant, was recently honored with an outstanding service award from the Child Welfare League of  America (CWLA).  The award was for Dorothy's accomplishments and dedicated service as a direct service worker and was presented at CWLA's Conference in Washington, D.C.

Dorothy was selected as a winner of this national award for her work as a  direct service worker providing personal care services to several children in  a Lake Elmo foster/adoptive home.  Dorothy’s commitment to children is  tremendous.  She will challenge any decision that is not in a child’s best interest.  She will find innovative ways to get services for a child.

Dorothy started with this family as a friend.  When the foster/adoptive father was diagnosed with cancer she was there providing support and direction for the children and foster/adoptive mother.  The foster adoptive father died ll months later and she has been there ever since usually at least 5 days a week.  She has gone on family vacations with this family allowing for a child needing one on one care to experience Disneyland, The Black Hills or other things they may otherwise not have been able to experience.

Dorothy has been a foster parent for 39 years.  She was instrumental in starting the Minnesota Foster Care Association and served on the Board of Directors for many years.  She is still very active in the National Foster Parent Association and Ramsey County Foster Care Association.  She is currently a personal care attendant for Alliance Health Care.

Dorothy was nominated for the award by the National Foster Care Association, the only national voice of foster parents.  She has dedicated many years of service to this board with the best interest of children close to her heart.

“As the President Pro Tem of the National Foster Care Association and Foster/Adoptive Mother referenced above I feel that there is not a more deserving person for this award.  Dorothy has made a tremendous difference in my life and the lives of my children both adopted and foster.  I have learned much from Dorothy and hope to continue growing under her excellent mentorship.”

CWLA paid tribute to outstanding service in three categories - foster parents, direct service workers, and child welfare workers - at its annual conference in the nation’s capital.  The conference attracted nearly 2,000 child welfare workers, agency executives and board members, child advocates, political leaders and academicians from throughout the United States and Canada.  This years speakers included General Barry McCaffrey, Director of  the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, Alaska Governor Tony Knowles and Sandra Thurman, Director of the White House Office of National AIDS Policy.

Minnesota was well represented in the area of awards as our own Paul Wellstone was honored as well as Rueben Rosario from the St. Paul Pioneer Press.

CWLA is the nations oldest and largest association of agencies and organizations devoted to improving the life for at-risk children and youth, with more than 1,000 member agencies serving three million abused, neglected, and vulnerable children and their families.  The organization words for federal legislation to benefit children and families, establishes internationally recognized standards for agencies and is the world’s largest publisher of child welfare material.

To: Minnesota Foster Care Association
from: Critters & Company.

Life moves so quickly that often we do not stop and take the time to thank those very people who paved the way to get us so busy. Our life in foster care with new placements is coming to an end. Our children are grown and growing into young adults with active lives. It has been many years of warm and fond memories.  Critters and Company would not have become what it is today without the experiences provided by our children, foster children and experiences with foster care. Today we reach out to thousands of children each year, spreading sensitive information concerning teasing, violence, differences and staying positive when bad things happen. Our animals have proven again and again to be the bridge in understanding differences and individuals’ weakness. Diane and I want to thank the Minnesota Foster Care Association for allowing us the opportunities to do training programs early in Critters and Company’s life. You have been a blessing to us.    —Greg & Dianne Olson

Please Decorate My Hot Dog! - Changing the Flow
by Jodee Kulp, Editor Out Families

“Will you please decorate my hotdog?” The little girl looked up at her new foster mother and the mother smiled thinking what a wonderful picture to decorate a hot dog.

“What else do you like to decorate?” asked the mother.

“Nothing,” answered the little girl.

The mother prodded as she wiggled mustard and intertwined ketchup, “How about birthday cakes?”

“I’ve never had a birthday cake, can I have some of those green decorations?”

The mother added pickle relish, “How about the Christmas Tree?”

“We never had a Christmas tree, but I saw a really pretty one in a store window. Can I have those white smelly things?”

“You mean onions,” the mother looked surprised.

“They make it look pretty, like snow on a rainbow.”

“We don’t have rainbows with snow,” said the mother.

“We can if I believe hard enough, I got you didn’t I?”

For two years this young teen joined my home and we decorated birthday cakes and Christmas trees. And then she moved on . . .  back home . . . with new experiences, wisdom and knowledge and each time I eat a hot dog or a corn dog I think of her as I decorate it - complete with the onions.

Adults involved with children in out-of-home care come with surprising revelations that change forever who we and are families are. Generational poverty, mental  illness, brain injury, chemical dependency, and illiteracy are often a historic legacy for the children we love and care for.

What more can we do:

Meet with youth at risk, ask them what they need, and invite them to participate in any action. Believe in them and give them responsibility over others. Also, seek ways to involve the youth in the congregation in initiating  and leading actions and meetings. Don’t fear at-risk youth - challenge them to believe in themselves.

Invite people in poverty to accompany you to meet with politicians, to tell their own stories, and voice their needs. The people most affected by poverty are often the most articulate. (Remember that children live in poverty because their parents are poor.)

Volunteer in existing programs or as backup support. Find out what children need (memberships, equipment, rides) to be able to play sports or take lessons (swimming, music). Four hours a week of contact with an adult who cares can make the difference between "hanging in" and giving up. Help a teen get into an apprenticeship trade program, complete a GED, finish high school and begin to have greater dreams than smoking marijuana and chilling with friends. Encourage friends and family not involved in foster or adoptive care to get involved. Each one Reach one!

October 17, 1991 - Lots of love
Wadsworth named top foster parents

Ask anyone who has visited the Wadsworth home in Monticello, and they will tell you it radiates with love. Mike and Kathie Wadsworth have given that love to more children than they can count in their 25 years as foster parents....The Wadsworth were named Minnesota’s Foster Parents of the Year at the convention October 6, 1991 in Rochester. They’ve had more than 350 children call them Mom and Dad since they took their first babies.

“We lost count,” said Kathie, “we wish we had taken a picture of everybody.”   Monticello Times, 1991

Parenting began in 1965 -

That’s almost 40 years today folks.

About 1965, the family began taking in extras and in 1991 the family was licensed for 10 foster children, although at times as many as 12 children called their house their home. You’re comfortable as soon as you walk in the door. The Wadsworth’s do this by making expectations clear and then let the other children take over.

“We really get along well with the natural parents,”  Kathie said, “I think it’s because we don’t judge them. You never know what happened in a person’s life. You just love them and accept them for who they are.”

A Tribute to Dick Danzl

For the last 19 years I have had the honor of working with Dick and Lois Danzl, as their foster care licensing worker.  I now must sadly report that Dick  passed away on April 20.

Dick and Lois have been licensed for 36 years and have had over 3,000 placements.  During that time they have done short term, long term, emergency, and  permanent care for children and have also served as adult providers for a few years. They are also adoptive parents of two children and have 4 biological children and 10 grandchildren.

As long as I have known the Danzls, Lois was the professional parent, taking care of the kids on a daily basis.  Dick was the political "arm" of the family, serving on foster parent association boards, both locally and nationally.  He was Region V vice president of the National Foster Parent Association, and was on the board of the state association for many years.  Here in Washington County, Dick was president of the county chapter of MFCA and Lois served as secretary for years.  Dick and Lois were instrumental in beginning the local chapter in 1970.

In addition to all Dick has done for the children of our county, he was also a tireless volunteer in many other organizations.  He was very active in the DFL party, was a member of the VFW, and most recently, he volunteered to serve at the airport, meeting service men and women as they arrived in Minnesota.  He was a volunteer at the Historic Courthouse in Stillwater and also at Landmark Center in St. Paul.

At the Foster Care Recognition Banquet on 4/24/03, Commissioner Myra Peterson praised Dick for the generous spirit that kept him helping others until his own health gave out.  As she said, "He will be sadly missed".  Services for Dick are still pending, since Lois has been hospitalized for the past few weeks with a stroke.  Please join me in sending our best wishes to her in this very difficult time.

Kris Harvieux,
Senior Social Worker, Foster Care
Washington County

Out Reach Organizations

Foster and Adoptive Care Association of Minnesota
P.O. box 48716
Minneapolis, MN 55448-0716
612-233-3399

Articles have been reprinted from News and Views of Our Families 1992-2004