Love will never reject others. It is the first to encourage and the last to condemn.

• Children
• What is a Mother?
• Inner Peace
• Maturity
• What I have Learned in Life
• You Know You are a Foster Parent When...
• Love Letter to Foster Parents
• When...Then...
• Quotes and Poems
• I've Learned

Children 
by Ina Hughes

We are responsible for children
   who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
   who like to be tickled,
   who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
   who sneak popsicles before supper,
   who can never find their shoes.

And we are responsible for children
   who can’t bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
   who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead,
   who never go to the circus,
   who live in an x-rated world.

We are responsible for children
   who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
   who sleep with the dog and bury goldfish,
   who cover themselves with Band-aids and sing off key,
   who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
   who slurp their soup.

And we are responsible for children
   who never get dessert,
   who have no blanket to drag behind them,
   who watch their parents watch them die, 
   who can’t find any bread to steal,
   who don’t have any rooms to clean up, 
   whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
   whose monsters are real.

We are responsible for children
   who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
   who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
   who like ghost stories,
   who shove dirty clothes under the bed and never rinse out the tub,
   who get no visits from the tooth fairy, 
   who don’t like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
   whose tears we sometimes laugh at, and
   whose smiles can make us cry.

We are responsible for children
   whose nightmares come in the daytime,
   who will eat anything,
   who have never seen a dentist,
   who aren’t spoiled by anybody,
   who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
   who live and move, but have no being.

We are responsible for children
   who want to be carried and for those who must,
   for those we never give up on and
   for those who don’t get a second chance,
   for those we smother, . . . and
   for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to
   offer it.

Adapted from a poem by Ina Hughes, published in the Oklahoma Observer, 1988. Submitted by Jean Simat, foster care provider with Carver County. Thanks!

What Is a Mother?

A mother can be almost any size or any age, but she won’t admit to anything over thirty.
A mother has soft hands and smells good.
A mother likes new dresses, music, a clean house, her children’s kisses, an automatic washer and daddy.
A mother doesn’t like having her children sick, muddy feet, temper tantrums, loud noises or bad report cards.
A mother can read a thermometer (much to the amazement of Daddy), and like magic, can kiss a hurt away.
A mother can bake good cakes and pies, but likes to see her children eat vegetables.
A mother can stuff a fat baby into a snowsuit in seconds, and can kiss sad little faces and make them smile.
A mother is underpaid, has long hours and gets very little rest.
A mother worries too much about her children but she says she doesn’t mind at all. And no matter how old her children are, she still likes to think of them as her little babies.
A mother is the guardian angel of the family, the queen, the tender hand of love.
A mother is the best friend anyone ever had.
A mother is love.
            Author unknown   -   Reprinted from News & Views, April 1980

What I’ve Learned in Life And Wish I Had Known Sooner

Author Unknown

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that no matter how good a person is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that talking can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life.
I've learned that good friends are family members that we are allowed to choose.
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for ourselves.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not where I am that is important. It's where I am going.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that it takes a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you cannot.
I've learned that either you control your attitude, or it controls you.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that patience takes a lot of practice.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that there is more of my parents in me than I thought.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want
    him/her to doesn't mean he/she doesn't love you with all he/she has.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from
    them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that you should never tell a child his/her dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if he/she believed it.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by someone else. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

The Symptoms of Inner Peace   
Adapted from Saskia Davis.

Inner peace is the extension of love.

Some signs of inner peace:

• A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience.
• An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
• A loss of interest in judging other people.
• A loss of interest in judging self.
• A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
• A loss of interest in conflict.
• A loss of the ability to worry.
• Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
• Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
• Frequent attacks of smiling.
• An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
• Increasing susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

The beauty and joy of inner peace is: the more you share, the more you have; and the more you have, the more you share.

May you have more and more love, light, peace, joy.

Maturity   
from Ann Landers

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence.
Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of a long term gain.
Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks.
Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.
Maturity is being big enough to say, "I was wrong." And, when right, the mature person need not experience
    the satisfaction of saying,"I told you so."
Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities,
    and then do nothing.
Maturity means dependability, keeping one’s word and coming through in a crisis.
    The immature are masters of the alibi. They are the confused and the conflicted.
    Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business,
    and good intentions that somehow never materialize.
Maturity is the art of living in peace with what we cannot change, the courage to change
    what should be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.

You Know You Are a Foster Parent

You know you are a foster parent when . . .

• You open your garage door and passing cars stop, thinking all of the bikes, toys, and baby furniture means garage sale.
• You go to a Foster Care meeting and everyone drives vans or station wagons, except for the small cars that belong to the social workers.
• You get your exercise from walking or carrying the kids to time-out.
• The K-Mart checker asks which school you are from, and you reply, ”We're a family.”
• You spend more time with your washer and dryer than you do with your spouse.
• Your heart is bigger than your brain.
• Santa Claus gives you a key to a store and leaves milk, cookies, and Alka Seltzer for you.
• You watch your 2-week placement go from crib to junior high.
• You regard your toilet snake as a family pet.
• Your local grocer tells you that if you ever move, he would like advance notice because he will have to lay off three employees.
• Your personal stash of children’s clothing rivals that of the local Goodwill office.
• The term “basically a good child with a few problems” doesn't mean the same thing coming from a caseworker as it does in the real world.
• Saying goodnight resembles the end of the Waltons: ”Night, John Boy . . . Night, MaryEllen . . . Goodnight, Lizbeth, etc.”
• Light switches, toilet handles, and door knobs last one year or less.
• Your idea of a “social life” is talking to the checkers at the local Wal-Mart.

Reprinted from “Foster Focus,” April 1997, published by the Olmsted County Foster Care Program.

A Love Letter to Foster Parents
by Judy Werner

May 3, 2001

May is National Foster Care Month. I view this as a means of honoring the amazing people who give so much and expect so little in return.

I am a product of foster care. My mother couldn’t care for my siblings and me when we were very young and even though we were placed back in her custody, this fact did not change as we grew. Without the support of my foster parents both in the beginning and throughout my life, I am  certain I would not be where I am today. They showed me life could be different from my immediate surroundings if I had the desire. They provided me with the “respite” I so desperately needed so I could “make it” another day....another week...another month....until I was old enough to create an environment of my own.

My foster parents also provided me with unconditional love and support. This was something my mother was just not capable of doing. I now know how incredibly difficult that was for both of them, but they did it anyway knowing the immeasurable value of their contribution. Even though they could never take the place of my parents, they have been there for all the exciting as well as difficult events in my life. I cannot imagine what the nature of my existence would be without them.

There is no way to repay my foster parents for all they have so generously given. A gift of this magnitude places them in a category one can only dream of achieving. I hope I have gained some of these same qualities so I, too, can use them to reach the students I teach.

I am proud to say I was a foster child. Thank you, Foster Parents, for opening your homes and your hearts to kids like me.

Judy Werner

P.S. I am currently in Fargo, North Dakota, but I grew up in Ramsey County. I have been teaching Special Education in various Minnesota cities for eight years and am now teaching in Moorhead. I will be graduating from St. Thomas college in December with a Master’s Degree in Early Childhood Special Ed. (I was the recipient of the Nita Berg Scholarship one year and I thank MFCA for this financial help.)

WHEN . . . . THEN . . . .

­I need ideas planted in my brain to face the power struggles of everyday life. Keep sharing your ideas to help other care givers keep their sanity.

Choices

WHEN you can talk in a normal voice,

            THEN I’ll listen.

WHEN you practice your instrument,

            THEN you may use the phone.

WHEN you’ve read for 20 minutes,

            THEN you may watch TV.

WHEN you’ve put on your socks and shoes,

            THEN you may play outside.

WHEN you are ready to share the game,

            THEN you may play it again.

WHEN you are in your carseat,

            THEN we’ll drive to the park.

WHEN you have your seatbelt on,

            THEN I will drive again.

Quotes and Poems

Take time to say “I’m sorry,”

“Please forgive me,”

“Thank you,” or “It’s okay.”

And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

Before going to school,

kids think that their parents are God.

When they start school,

they say: 

      “Maybe mom and dad are

not that smart.”

When they turn teenager,

      their parents don’t know anything.

When they finish school

and start their own jobs,

      they start thinking that

their parents weren’t that bad.

When they have their own kids,

then they say: 

    “My mom and dad were Gods.”

There is always hope for tomorrow if you believe in yourself today.

A Friend....

      (A)ccepts you as you are

      (B)elieves in "you"

      (C)alls you just to say "HI"

      (D)oesn't give up on you

      (E)nvisions the whole of you

          (even the unfinished parts)

      (F)orgives your mistakes

      (G)ives unconditionally

      (H)elps you

      (I)nvites you over

      (J)ust "be" with you

        (K)eeps you close at heart

      (L)oves you for who you are

      (M)akes a difference in your life

      (N)ever Judges

      (O)ffers support

      (P)icks you up

      (Q)uiets your fears

      (R)aises your spirits

      (S)ays nice things about you

      (T)ells you the truth when you

           need to hear it

         (U)nderstands you

      (V)alues you

      (W)alks beside you

      (X)-plains thing you don't

           understand

      (Y)ells when you won't listen and

      (Z)aps you back to reality

If I Knew

If I knew it would be the last time

That I’d see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in more tightly

and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time

that I see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and kiss

and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time

I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,

I would video tape each action and word,

so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,

I could spare an extra minute

to stop and say “I love you,”

instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time

I would be there to share your day,

Well I’m sure you’ll have so many more,

so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow

to make up for an oversight,

and we always get a second chance

to make everything just right.

There will always be another day

to say “I love you,”

And certainly there’s another chance

to say our “Anything I can do?”

But just in case I might be wrong,

and today is all I get,

I’d like to say how much I love you

and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,

young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance

you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,

why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes,

you’ll surely regret the day,

That you didn’t take that extra time

for a smile, a hug, or a kiss

and you were too busy to grant someone,

what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,

and whisper in their ear,

Tell them how much you love them

and that you’ll always hold them dear

Take time to say “I’m sorry,”

“Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” or “It’s okay.”

And if tomorrow never comes,

you’ll have no regrets about today.

 Author Presently Unknown
Please advise if known

­The word

“HELLO” means:

H = How are you?

E = Everything all right?

L = Like to hear from you

L = Love to see you soon

O = Oh, and don’t

forget to write......

So, HELLO .

I’ve Learned
By Andy Rooney  

I’ve learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned.... That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned.... That just one person saying to me, “You’ve made my day!” makes my day

I’ve learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.

I’ve learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve learned.... That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned.... That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned.... That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned... That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned.... That the Lord didn’t do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I’ve learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve learned.... That there’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I’ve learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned.... That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned.... That I wish I could have told my Dad

I’ve learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve learned....That I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I’ve learned....That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned....That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned ... That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

I’ve learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Foster and Adoptive Care Association of Minnesota
P.O. box 48716
Minneapolis, MN 55448-0716
612-233-3399

Articles have been reprinted from News and Views of Our Families 1992-2004