Foster Children's Behavior
by Dr. Dan Griffith

Q: When a "new" foster child joins the family, what may be viewed as "normal" behavior?

Dr. G:There are no "cookbook" answers, but here are two common patterns often observed by foster parents who are paying attention to the frequency and intensity of problematic behavior in any new child:

Pattern #1:

The child will start off with problematic behavior and, generally, after a week to 10 days, the foster parents will see both the frequency and intensity of the behavior starting to decline. If that’s the case, then the foster parents know they are doing a good job of providing what the child needs—a safe, nurturing predictable environment.

Pattern #2:

The child is withdrawn at first, and then begins to act out after 3 or 4 days, so his/her behavior actually gets worse. Younger children may have emotional outbursts, run around like a hurricane, or be withdrawn or crying in a corner. The older child may be more subtle or more angry, and may be focused on intentionally trying to destroy something or aggravate someone.

Q: What can foster parents provide which will help the foster child succeed in the family?

Dr. G:First, a nurturing and predictable environment is what every foster child needs. This type of home environment can go a long way to help any foster child overcome fear, anxiety, loss and grief, and other emotional trauma. Predictability will also help the child who neurologically can’t predict, and assure him that there is rhyme and reason to the world. Foster parents need to take a look at their environment in these terms.

Another one of the most frequent suggestions I have made to foster parents and teachers which helps, is to try to reduce the "emotionality" of the child’s caretakers. We all have this tendency to be egocentric, where if the child misbehaves in our presence, we take it personally. Then we get angry . . . and then we get locked into this emotional power struggle which actually frustrates both of us.

The truth is that children often act out angrily because, in their previous environment; acting out angrily is the only thing that got a consistent response. When they were being good and fairly well-behaved, they were being ignored. In any case, once the caretaker realizes that the child is not personally out to make them angry—it’s just the child’s attempt to create some "cause and effect"—they can stop reacting emotionally.

Providing a safe, nurturing and predictable environment promotes the child’s understanding of cause and effect in terms of the outcomes of his behavior. Not taking a child’s behavior personally and not reacting emotionally, allows the foster parent to be a good observer of what triggers the child’s behavior and allows him to work with the child objectively.

Q: How long should a foster parent wait before asking for help in dealing with the behavior of any foster child?

Dr. G:The foster parents’ own perception of how they can understand and deal with the child’s behavior has to govern when they should ask for help. It’s important for every foster parent to understand that they are the first diagnosis point and consider: Is this something that I’ve seen before? Is this something that I feel comfortable in dealing with? Foster parents need not to be afraid to admit that this child is unusual and different than any child they’ve ever worked with before and seek someone else’s opinion.

Q: Is every clinical psychologist trained to understand the factors influencing the behaviors of foster children?

Dr. G:Many clinical psychologists specialize within the field and become behavioral psychologists. Traditionally, behavioral psychology work has focused on rewarding good behavior and ignoring or punishing bad behavior. That’s too simplistic to cover what’s going on with foster children.

Foster parents and workers need to find a behavioral or developmental psychologist who has had training, experience, or, at least, an understanding of the major factors underlying foster children’s emotional problems. This is similar to seeking a pediatrician who understands the effects of prenatal drug exposure compared to a pediatrician who doesn’t.

Q: When someone comes to you for help with their foster child’s behavior, what is your approach?

Dr. G:First, I usually suggest that foster parents keep a log of the child’s behavior. If they record, over time, the circumstances under which the problem behavior occurs, we can begin to get a sense of things in the environment (home, school, activities) that might be triggering the problem behavior. For example, are there certain times of the day when this child acts out? Are certain people present? Or, is it after a series of frustrating activities or particular activities? Or, is it after everyone in the family has had a highly complex, stressful day?

Next, I help foster parents to realize that most children just don’t lose it—they give all types of warning signs that they’re becoming increasingly agitated and may go out of control.

If the foster parents can identify the "triggers," then they can begin to address the problem by removing the triggers. As foster parents begin to recognize the behavioral warning signs of their children, they can intervene at the first signs of behavioral problems, rather than allowing the child’s behavior to get out of control. Once the child’s behavior has gotten out of control, it is often too late to intervene, and the situation becomes very frustrating to parent and child alike. If the foster parents intervene early enough, they can begin to assist the child in recognizing his/her own cues by discussing their observations with the child.

For example. . "I notice you’ve been doing ‘this’ right now, what are you thinking or feeling inside? What made you start to feel that way? Is there anything that we can do to make you feel better?"

Then, the child can learn to recognize, "I’m getting a little upset right now and I want to do something to avoid it!" The next step for the foster parent would be to help the child recognize possible solutions to his/ her problems. For example, "If you’re upset and feeling ‘this’ right now, let’s try ‘this’ and see how it works," and then to go into some activity that focuses the child, or helps him calm down.

Then, as the child is doing this activity, the foster parent can lead the child to "self monitor" by asking, "Now that you’re doing ‘this,’ how are you feeling?"

With younger children, the foster parents must physically go through the steps and, over time, through trial and error, the children will figure it out. With older children, it’s much easier because you can begin getting them to relate internal feelings to external behavior by discussing their feelings and the solutions to problem behavior.

Q: How does a foster parent distinguish a child who cannot "selfregulate" from a child who is deeply, emotionally disturbed?

Dr. G: Generally, a deeply emotionally disturbed child’s emotions are boiling near the surface all of the time and the frequency and intensity of outbursts is much greater with the child’s outbursts being much less related to the situation.

A clinical psychologist who understands the behaviors of foster children will be able to recognize this type of child over time and help foster parents find the right help for that child.

Editor’s Note: Foster parents who need help with their child should contact their caseworker for a referral to a clinical psychologist who understands the behavioral issues of foster care.

Dr. Dan Griffith, Ph.D., Developmental Psychology, is the clinical psychologist with "something extra"—knowledge of factors influencing behaviors of foster children. He is a national board member on the Child Welfare League of America Advisory Board on Substance Exposed Children and the Early Childhood Research Institute on Substance Abuse. He says, "Every foster child will join the foster family with some behavioral issues due to his/her past experiences. The thing that seems to be the most problematic for foster parents is kids who cannot "regulate" their own behavior—so they end up having a lot of outbursts, tantrums, etc., which are very disruptive to the foster family’s daily life. I like to talk to foster parents and help them find the source of the child’s self-regulation problems. Then we can work together to find ways to help the child learn to regulate himself."