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Positive Ways to Encourage Child’s Growth
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Six Step Problem Solving Technique
A Hidden Disability My daughter has a hidden disability. Anyone looking at her sees a normal, healthy, beautiful 8 year old girl. She has a high-average IQ, which is apparent when one talks to her. At this point in time she is doing well in school, almost too well to qualify for the Special Education services she needs to have a future. If you were to see her out in public on a good day, you might not even notice her except possibly to note that she is a very energetic child. But if you were to see her on a bad day, these terms would come to mind: “spoiled, unruly, obnoxious, undisciplined, victim of bad parenting, from a dysfunctional family.” You cannot see the brain damage my little girl carries around inside her head, and will live with for the rest of her life. You would be very put off by her behavior, and would hold her and/or her upbringing responsible. You would not experience the feelings you have when you see a child with an obvious disability, such as sympathy, protectiveness, understanding. You would experience negative feelings toward her for things she can no more help than a child with Down Syndrome or any other birth defect. This then is Fetal Alcohol Effect (FAE) for my daughter. She reacts inappropriately to teasing from her peers, to suggestion, she violates society’s rules regarding personal property and personal space, she does not control her impulses, her anger or other emotions. As she gets older she cannot maintain friendships with children her own age. They don’t understand some of her actions, and find it hard to trust her. The result of having a disability that no one can see and very few can understand is frustration, anger, a feeling if isolation and worthlessness. “I’m bad, nobody likes me, I’m always in trouble, I might as well not even try.” If you see my daughter and I abruptly leave a public setting due to her behavior, or if you see us abandoning a full shopping cart in the middle of the shopping center aisle, try not to judge too quickly or too harshly. My child has permanent and irreversible brain damage as a result of prenatal exposure to alcohol. It is as real and as devastating as the disabilities you can see and understand. My child is not “spoiled” or “bad” or “a troublemaker.” My child is disabled. Discovering Learning Disabilities The child, trying very hard to learn, becomes more and more frustrated, and develops emotional problems such as low self-esteem in the face of repeated failure. Some learning disabled children misbehave in school because they would rather be seen as "bad" than "stupid". Parents should be aware of the most
frequent signals
Learning Disabilities Present Adult Challenges Learning disabilities may present many challenges to the individual other than the obvious. They can have a great impact on relationships and personal interactions. The effects are experienced by persons with learning disabilities and their partners. The problems can manifest themselves in a variety of situations. A person with learning disabilities may be frustrated about the way a partner provides assistance. When too much is routinely provided, the perception is that he or she is stupid or treated as a child creates anxiety and frustrations. Also, he or she may feel unfairly blamed for relationship problems, such as not listening or not trying hard enough, which may be due to his/her learning disabilities. The partner without learning disabilities may experience resentment at having to continually tend to the needs of the other, while many of his/her needs may seem to go unmet. As everyone has good and bad days, so do persons with learning disabilities, but their peaks and valleys may be more pronounced and frequent. Their capabilities can vary widely from day to day without any predictable patterns or identifiable causes. Since learning disabilities are often invisible, both partners may have difficulty understanding and accepting the limitations they create. No matter who has the disability, the problems must be worked out together. It is important to distinguish between difficulties which can be overcome (using strategies and accommodations) and those which are not likely to change. The following are some helpful tips that may be useful for partners who have learning disabilities:
These tips may be useful for the
partner of a person
Socially constructed gender roles may compound the effects of learning disabilities. For instance, men have traditionally been designated as breadwinners. This has not been realistic for some men with learning disabilities who have had difficulties with job stability and career advancement. A couple can reduce the stress they feel by creating more realistic expectations and redefining their roles according to each person's abilities, rather than tradition. Although couples may feel that learning disabilities are a unique problem, they are shared by a great number of people. Due to the close interaction of a relationship, the effects of learning disabilities are often greatly magnified, thus creating additional stress for the couple. It is only with hard work and a lot of understanding that these problems may be resolved. Reprinted with permission of LDAC, Fact Sheet, March, 2001. Source: Brita Miller, Linkages, Vol. 2, No. 2. National Adult Literacy and Learning Disabilities Center. |
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Foster and Adoptive Care Association
of Minnesota |
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