Some children, who know the difference between truthfulness and lying, tell elaborate stories which appear believable. Children or adolescents usually relate these stories with enthusiasm because they receive a lot of attention as they tell the lie. Other youths who otherwise seem responsible, fall into a pattern of repetitive lying. They often feel that lying is the easiest way to deal with the demands of parents, teachers and friends. These children are usually not trying to be bad or malicious but the repetitive pattern of lying becomes a bad habit.

There are also some children and adolescents who are not bothered by lying or taking advantage of others. Other adolescents may frequently use lying to cover up another serious problem. For example, an adolescent with a serious drug or alcohol problem will lie repeatedly to hide the truth about where they have been, who they were with, what they were doing, and where the money went.

What to do if a Child or Adolescent lies:

Parents are the most important role models for their children. When a child or adolescent lies, parents should take some time to have a serious talk and discuss: the difference between make believe and reality, lying and telling the truth, the importance of honesty at home and in the community, and alternatives to lying.

Make a special effort to make truth telling safe, something to be proud of and not afraid. Encourage and reward truth.

This is an idea found in a book many years ago and I don’t remember what book. So I will pass it on to you and maybe someone will be able to give credit where it belongs

Find a fancy cup—something at a garage sale—with a “one of a kind” look to it or have a local potter make one.

One day when a child has told the truth in a difficult situation, pull out this special cup. Inform the family that this is a very special cup. Make a very big deal about the importance of this cup and the person allowed to use it. This cup is used only by someone who has had the courage to speak the truth.

Present this cup to the truth teller.He may use the special cup all day. No one else may touch it.

At the end of the day put it away, but place it where it can be seen and desired by others.

It is a fun way to encourage the truth. Even Dad and the teenagers can play along with this one. Everyone likes to be recognized for doing hard things.

Does your child lie about everything? Does he make you doubt your own sanity? He is standing there with the cookie in his hand and telling you he didn’t take a cookie. Here’s an interesting, effective way to help the child understand the consequences of lying.

Play the LYING GAME The rules are simple: Everything your child says, you assume he is lying. Do the opposite!

Example : Buy chocolate ice cream and vanilla ice cream. Ask him which one he would like. If he says chocolate, give him vanilla. If he complains say, “I know that you often lie, so I knew you meant vanilla.”

Ask him which show he wants to watch on TV, then watch the other show. Again, “I thought you really meant this one, because you lie so often.”

Are you getting the idea. Ask him if he wants to stay up later. Then send him to bed because you know he is lying. He really wants to sleep.

Be prepared for tears and tantrums, just keep smiling and saying how sorry you are that you never know when he is telling the truth. Then tell him that maybe tomorrow you will be able to believe him. Remind him that you feel frustrated and want to cry when he lies to you. Lying hurts himself and others.

The next day, remind him how hard it was to know when he was telling the truth. Today, you will believe what he says and you hope he will remember to tell the truth all day. Then, set up similar situations: do you want a chocolate cookie or an apple? And give him the one he says.

Have fun with this game. Don’t make it a power struggle. Play it when you have the patience for the tantrums that may come. Keep telling him how much you want to believe him and how important it is to be able to trust him.

Ideas for the Lying Game came from Larry Van Bloem M.S.W., C.S.W.