| |
Communication
Building Blocks for
Effective Communication
| VERBAL |
HOW |
EXAMPLES |
| LISTENING |
Focusing on the
present, not bringing up past
problems or mistakes; creating safety to express anything. |
I feel that right now you
need me to just listen to you |
| PRAISING |
Giving earned rewards
frequently, recognizing efforts rather than products or end results |
You worked so long and so
hard on the project |
| FEELING |
Sharing feelings such
as anger, joy and frustration;
using “I” statements |
I feel . . .
I’m so angry when you . . .
I love you . . . |
| RESPECTING |
Letting others make
decisions; avoiding judging and advising; trying to help him/her
make his/her own decisions |
It’s your choice
What can I do to help you? |
| LISTENING |
Identifying the feeling
as well as the content and
asking the person to confirm it |
It sounds like you were very
frustrated by the
class change. Is that right? |
| TRUSTING |
Being consistent; asking for
input and understanding that children need to learn in their own way
even if they make mistakes |
I know you will be thoughtful
and responsible |
| AFFIRMING |
Finding the positive to
express |
You are so competent
You make me happy when
you.. |
| REFLECTIVE LISTENING |
Reflecting what another says,
paraphrasing a person’s words
so he/she know he/she has been heard |
You sound angry about your
friend’s response. Is that so? |
| CLARIFYING |
Asking for more
information when unsure |
Could you tell me more about
your fight with your friend? |
| NON-VERBAL |
| ACTING |
Finding physical ways to show
care, concern, and
attention |
Making eye contact; touching
when appropriate; hugging, staying near the person. |
| ACTING |
Using body language
that sends negative messages or that rebuffs |
Crossing arms; not looking at
speaker; being physically abusive walking away; tapping feet;
shaking finger in face; hitting, kicking |
Source: Advocates for Youth, Rights
Respect, Responsibility - 1025 Vermont Ave., NW Suite 200, Washington, DC
20005 - 202-347-5700
Road Blocks for Effective Communication
| VERBAL |
HOW |
EXAMPLES |
| JUDGING |
Making a judgment |
You should . . .
You could . .
. |
| REJECTING |
Giving no support |
It’s your problem not mine |
| BLAMING/CRITICIZING |
Placing fault on the other
person |
It’s your fault . . .
|
| LABELING |
Calling names or words
that are negative |
Only a dummy would do it that
way |
| TRANSFERRING |
Not listening and jumping in
with one’s own problems |
Let me tell you what happened
to me |
| ORDERING |
Giving solutions with no
choices |
You must do this now |
| THREATENING |
Using threats or bribes to
try to make someone do something |
If you don’t do what I want .
. . If you do what I want,
I’ll do this for you . . . |
| WAFFLING |
Not being clear and
consistent in setting limits |
Well, maybe. . . .
We’ll see . . .
I’ll think about it . . . |
| NAGGING |
Persistently repeating orders
and requests |
I’ve told you a thousand
times . . .
How many times do I have to ask you to . . . |
Source: Advocates for Youth, Rights
Respect, Responsibility - 1025 Vermont Ave., NW Suite 200, Washington, DC
20005 - 202-347-5700 |
|
Foster and Adoptive Care Association
of Minnesota
P.O. box 48716
Minneapolis, MN 55448-0716
612-233-3399 |
Articles have been reprinted from News and Views of Our Families
1992-2004
|
