If you don’t like something, change it.

I am the one who can make peace.

Eliminating violence, one person at a time,

one family at a time, starting with ourselves.

Turn Off Violent Behavior

Turn Off the Violence is a collaborative of 85 organizations and hundreds of individuals to encourage nonviolence in entertainment choices and real-life behaviors. The program is guided by a Steering Committee and administered by the Minnesota Citizen’s Council on Crime and Justice. ©1994 Permission granted to copy and distribute information.

Violence is a learned behavior.
It can be unlearned.

For too many of us, violence is an ordinary way to be entertained and to solve conflicts. It is up to each of us to decide how to “turn off the violence.”

Violence is anytime someone hurts someone on purpose with words or actions.

Conflict can be a necessary, even useful force that encourages change and growth. How people respond to conflict – by nonviolent or violent means – is a question of choice.

When in conflict, remember . . .

Anger is OK.

Violence is not!

Communicating without violence

Anger is a natural and acceptable feeling that everyone experiences. However, when angry feelings are mishandled, they can eventually show up in harmful ways. Here are some tips to take care of yourself without anyone being hurt.

Speak from the heart

• Share your feelings and needs.

• Make a request, not a demand.

• Respect the other person.

Listen from the heart

• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

• Ask the other person’s feelings and needs.

• Repeat what your heard him or her say.

Source: Based on Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s Compassionate Communication Model, Center for Nonviolent Communication, 3468 Meadowbrook Blvd., Cleveland, OH 44118 (216) 371-1123 Used with Permission.

Here is a fail-safe anger control technique that can help you harness the power of your anger energy and channel it constructively.

CHILL: Calm you body’s anger energy.

1. Chill. When you first become aware of your anger, tell yourself to chill.

2. Blow! Thinking “chill” is your cue to take strong, steady breaths as if blowing up a balloon.

3. Relax Your Face. Change the angry expression on your face. Smile.

4. Get Some Space. Take a step from the source of your anger. Take time to reflect.

CHOOSE: Focus your mind on positive action.

1. Claim Your Anger: Take responsibility. It is your anger.

2. Name The Hurt: Identify your hurt feelings under your anger.

3. Name Your Anger: Think about what else you can do to take the edge off your anger.

4. Make a Plan. Focus on solutions; take positive actions.

Verify the Violence Formula

Watch a popular TV show, movie, video game or music video and listen to the songs. Keep track of the specific acts of violence on the checklist.

Count the number of “Jolts” per minute: the excitement of a violent act, a car chase or fast paced scene. Notice when most of the violent jolts occur.

Then ask some hard questions:

Violent Storylines:

• Would there be a story without the violent conflict?

• Does the scene make violence seem exciting, humorous, macho?

• Are the characters racist, sexist or stereotypical?

Violent Consequences

• Are consequences of the violence shown?

• Do you see people hurt or bleeding at the scene?

• Do those who die simply disappear?

Good Guys/Bad Guys

• Who are the “good guys” and “bad guys”?

• When and how do they use violence differently?

• Do the “bad guys” have family or others who will care if they get hurt or killed?

Consider Alternatives

• How could the conflict have been solved without violence?

• How did you feel about the violence you watched?

Source: Media & Values Magazine, Summer 1993, S Shenandoah, Los Angeles, CA 90034

Settling Arguments Without Violence

NON-VIOLENCE Peace Journals Are for Everyone

No matter what ages you work with, peace journaling always works! We think it’s a wonderful way to show that you value peacemaking. Making a peace journal is as simple or complex as you want to make it, but don’t let yourself become overwhelmed in the interest of perfection, and do nothing. Peace journals are about content and thought, not production or performance or impressing people.

Here’s a list of ideas to suggest to the children for their peace journals. Draw, write, or both. Let them create a masterpiece. It’s their work. Don’t judge it! Brainstorm with the children for additional ideas.

1. My peaceful place.

2. My anger monster – what I look like when I’m really mad!

3. My cooling off plan – what I’ll do, or where I’ll go when my anger monster comes out at school, at home, or at play (this could be three different plans).

4. My favorite peaceful foods.

5. My favorite peacemaker and a story about that person.

6. A time I was a peacemaker (this one can be repeated often).

7. A peacemaking thing I did on summer vacation (winter vacation, etc.).

8. A time I helped out Mother Nature.

9. A time I helped out my friend/ mom/dad/guardian/grandparent.

10. A time my friend/ guardian/mom/ dad/grandparent was a peacemaker.

11. A time I worked out a conflict with someone and a story about that process.

12. A peaceful thing I like to do at home is . . .

13. A peacemaker’s quote I really like is . . . because . . .

14. One of my family’s most peaceful times together is . . .

 The “Good Heart Journal”

Pledge of Nonviolence

Forgiving is a decision. Forgiveness is a sign of courage and dignity. Forgiving ourselves, we are empowered to move on. Forgiving others is a decision to seek reconciliation rather than revenge. Accepting forgiveness from another is a decision to lay to rest a situation that has kept one or both people from moving beyond the hurt. Your act or acceptance of forgiveness contributes to the final outcome of peaceful relations among all people. Hurts require healing and healing involves real forgiveness.

• Make a decision to change a hurtful or destructive behavior in yourself. The decision itself is a new beginning.

• Let go of a grudge that is making you bitter instead of better. Speak a word of greeting that you might not have before.

• Practice on little irritations by making a constructive comment rather than a sarcastic or inflammatory remark.

• Try to understand the other person better by asking questions rather than assuming.

• When another driver cuts you off or irritates you, wave to them with ALL your fingers. We all make mistakes.

Conflict Resolution without Violence

Conflict is a normal part of everyday life. The word conflict has its roots in Latin word conflicts, meaning “striking together.” Despite the violent overtones of its Latin translation, conflict and violence are not synonymous. However, unresolved and lingering conflict frequently leads to violence, interfering with productivity and the quality of life in schools and the community.

If handled correctly, conflict can lead to positive growth and change. Persons involved in conflict resolution need to be willing to:

1. Solve the problem

2. Tell the truth

3. Listen without interruption

4. Be respectful - not judge, blame or ask why

5. Be objective - keep an open mind

6. Ask open-ended questions

7. Focus on the present situation not the past

8. Remind persons in conflict you care about them

9.  Don’t make promises

10. Help create a plan of action

11. Take responsibility for carrying out the agreement

12. Keep the situation confidential

Steps in mediation include:

1. Agree upon the ground rules

2. Each person tells his/her story

3. Verify the stories

4. Discuss the stories

5. Generate solutions

6. Discuss solutions

7. Select a solution

8. Sign a contract

9. Provide ramifications if contract is not followed through

Adults try to use logic, reason and effective communication skills to deal with conflict effectively. Children and teenagers may not have these skills or may not know how to use them.