A special thank you to a teen friend with ODD who graciously allowed me to use this to help others understand him from the inside out.

Dear adult,

I am writing everything and anything you should know about me.

1. Do not push me because I shove back as hard as I can.

2. I have a super short temper. Getting me mad is something like trying to tease a big ole’ tiger. It’s dangerous and hazardous to your health.

3. I can’t stand rudeness. Be rude to me and I’ll smack you so hard you’ll feel it for a long time.

4. I can’t stand racism. Call even one of my black friends a nigga and I’ll kick your a-- from here to high heaven.

5. I love a good joke as much as the next sucker, but if you take them to the point of something dangerous you’ll deal with me. I can be very funny and can give a good joke.

6. I can’t stand people that talk sh-- and get off scott free. Mess with me, friend, family and you’ll regret it so so much.

This young man works hard at being kind and sweet. He is a role model on both ends of the rope – good and bad. When he is under control he is vibrant and loving. As he states in this expose` use caution if you get on his bad side.

What is aggression?

Human aggression is a pervasive phenomenon, so pervasive as to lead many theorists to believe that aggression is part of human nature. There have been many theories of aggression. Sigmund Freud proposed that we are driven by a destructive instinct responsible for a generation of hostile, aggressive impulses. Learning theorists argued that aggression is the result of frustration. This is currently one of the most widely held theories in the social-learning theory. Theorists believe that aggressive responses they see others commit, or through direct experience where a child who is reinforced for aggressive behavior will be more likely to resort to aggression in the future.

How is aggression maintained?

According to social learning theorist Bandura, aggressive behaviors are maintained, and may become habitual, if they are instrumental in procuring benefits for the aggressor or otherwise satisfying his or her objectives. Aggressive children have more positive expectancies about the outcomes of aggression compared to their nonaggressive peers. They are 1) more confident that aggression will yield tangible rewards, 2) more certain that aggression will be easy for them and successful at terminating others’ noxious behavior, and 3) more inclined to believe that aggression will enhance their self-esteem and will not cause their victims any permanent harm.

Are aggressive children’s expectancies valid?

It turns out that aggressive youngsters may have some very good reasons for attributing hostile intentions to their peers. Not only do aggressive children provoke a large number of conflicts, but they are also more likely than nonaggressive children to be disliked and to become targets of aggression. Nonaggressive children who are harmed under ambiguous circumstances are much more likely to retaliate if the harm doer has a reputation as an aggressive child.

Age-related changes in the nature of aggression

During the first year of life infants display instrumental aggression, using aggressive means to attain a nonaggressive end. An example is knocking another child down to get his candy. During the preschool period, children become less likely to throw temper tantrums or to hit others and more likely to resort to resort to verbally aggressive tactics such as name calling or ridiculing. Grade-school children continue to fight over objects, but an increasing number of their aggressive exchanges are hostile outbursts directed at a person. Although the incidence of aggression declines with age, adolescents are not necessarily better behaved, often turning instead to more covert forms of antisocial conduct to express their anger or frustrations. Aggression is a reasonably stable attribute. This means that aggressive preschoolers are likely to be aggressive grade-school children, and an aggressive 8-year-old is likely to exhibit aggression and antisocial conduct as an adolescent.

Cultural and familial influences on aggression

A person’s tendencies toward violence and aggression depend, in part, on the culture, subculture, and family setting in which he or she is raised. Cold and rejecting parents who use physical punishment in an erratic fashion and often permit their child to express aggression are likely to raise highly aggressive children. Cold and rejecting parents are frustrating their children’s emotional needs and modeling a lack of concern for others. However, the "socialization" of aggression is a two-way street, for characteristics of the child can affect parental attitudes and child-rearing practices. Strife-ridden homes appear to be breeding grounds for aggression. Highly aggressive youngsters who are "out of control" often live in coercive home environments where family members are constantly struggling with one another.

Methods for controlling aggression

• Time out
  This is a technique in which the adult "punishes" by disrupting or otherwise preventing the aggressive antics the child finds reinforcing, for example, sending a child to his room until he is ready to behave appropriately. Although this technique may generate some resentment, the parent is not physically abusing the child, is not serving as an aggressive model, and is not likely to unwittingly reinforce the child who misbehaves as a means of attracting attention.
• Modeling behavior
  When children see a model choose a nonaggressive solution to a conflict or are explicitly coached in the use of nonaggressive methods of problem solving, they become more likely to enact similar solutions to their own problems.
• Creating nonaggressive environments
  Another method that adults may use is to create play areas that minimize the likelihood of interpersonal conflict. For example, providing ample space for vigorous play helps eliminate the kinds of accidental body contacts that often provoke aggressive incidents. Shortages in play materials also contribute to conflicts and hostilities. Also, toys that suggest aggressive themes (guns, tanks, etc.) are likely to provoke hostile, aggressive incidents.
• Empathy as a deterrent to aggression
  Some preschool children and highly aggressive grade-school children may continue to attack a suffering victim and express little concern about the harm they have done. One explanation may be that the children may not empathize with their victims. In home settings, adults can foster the development of empathy by modeling empathetic concern and by using disciplinary techniques that 1) point out the harmful consequences of the
• child’s aggressive actions and 2) encourage the child to put himself in the victim’s place and imagine how the victim feels.

By learning where a child’s aggressive behavior stems from and using techniques to limit that behavior, you can help that child become a calmer, happier individual.

This article is summarized from "Social and Personality Development" (David R. Schaffer, 1990). It is reprinted from "Reaching

Most of us are familiar with the “terrible twos.” After all, we were it once. Now imagine someone being “terribly two” right up to one's 18th birthday, or beyond! That’s Oppositional Disorder. According to the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the essential feature is a pattern of disobedient, negativistic, and provocative opposition to authority figures. As parents, we may not like it, but we should recognize that oppositional behavior in 18-month to 3-year-old children is a part of normal development. Therefore, the diagnostic criteria for Oppositional Disorder indicates it begins anytime after age 3 and before 18 years of age, with a pattern of at least six months. At least two of the following symptoms are apparent:

• violation of minor rules
• temper tantrums
• argumentative
• provocative behavior
• stubbornness

In some cases, this disorder can be confused with Conduct Disorder, but I would consider the latter to be more severe. In Conduct Disorder, there is a violation of the basic rights of others or of major rules of society. This is lacking in Oppositional Disorder. If a Conduct Disorder persists to adulthood, the result is often an Anti-Social Personality Disorder.

Oppositional Disorders commonly begin in late childhood or adolescence. The attitude is usually toward family members, especially parents, and toward teachers. This does not necessarily happen at the same time. A serious and curious feature of this disorder is its counter-productivity, where oppositional children will stubbornly behave in a way that is destructive to their own interests and well-being and deprives them of pleasurable relationships. Whatever you want, the child is against it, even if its something s/he would ordinarily find desirable. If you make a rule, expect it to be violated; make a suggestion, the child will be against it, but will be obliged to do anything you have prohibited. The child may try to provoke not only adults but sometimes other children in the family or classroom.

Such children do not usually see themselves as oppositional, but rationalize that others, especially those in authority are making unreasonable demands on them. The Diagnostic & Statistical Manual gives no information on causes or predisposing factors for this disorder. I believe that early inconsistent or non-existent discipline is a contributing factor.

A simple method of identification of the oppositional child is by the use of the following chart from DST IV. Rate the 13 areas as never, occasionally, sometimes, or often.

• loses temper
• argues with adults
• actively defies or refuses to comply with requests or rules
• deliberately annoys people
• blames others for mistakes or misbehavior
• is irritable or easily annoyed by others
• is angry and resentful
• is spiteful or vindictive
• is negativistic
• is hostile
• has defiant behavior
• the above traits disturb and interfere with child’s social and/or academic progress
• the above behaviors occur more frequently than is seen with same-aged peers and developmental level

Of the first 8 items, if 4 or more are scored “often”, there is a strong indication that the child is oppositional. A few suggestions for working with a child with Oppositional Disorder:

1. Set rules, make them simple and straight forward. Trying to reason with or lecture to an oppositional child, especially one who is very verbal, is usually counter-productive. Many oppositional children love a good debate or even a bad one, which will end up with you, a sputtering and frustrated foster parent.

2. Avoid power struggles. These are situations where, even if you win, you lose. Don't give the child a chance to feel martyred. You will still feel frustrated and often feel you have sunk to the child's level. You are the adult and you can remain in authority without engaging in a power struggle. If you have a tendency to engage in power struggles with children or other adults, take a good look at what makes you tick.

3. Be consistent. Don’t give a child the opportunity to play one foster parent against another or to be able to point out that you said something different last week.

4. Communicate. This will help in #3 and it will also help with behavior in school. It is good for the teachers, guidance counselors, etc. to know your rules and vice versa. Let them know what works best for your child. Communication with respite parents is also important and will help produce better results with suggestion #5.

5. Make the child accountable. When the child is with another caregiver (and this could include teachers as well), they may give different interpretation of your rules (e.g., “my bedtime is midnight”, “I can watch TV before I do my homework”, “I always eat two Snickers Bars before supper,” “My teacher lets me do my homework in school," etc.). Let the child know that the teacher or respite parent knows your rules and that they let you know what the child says and does while with them.

6. Write things down and let the child know that this is part of your communication system. S/he may conclude that there is no way to get away with anything. It may even become a greater incentive for the child to learn to read and write.

7. Remember, Oppositional Disorder is often a “cut your nose off to spite your face” situation, because of the tendency for the child to hold onto behavior that is often destructive to his or her own interests or relationships. It is often chronic and can last for several years. If it continues into adulthood, Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder may result. In dealing with it as a foster parent, you must be patient, yet deliberate.

Reprinted from the “Newsletter,” vol. 101, October 1996, published by the Maine Foster Parent Association, 11 Liberty Dr., Aspen Ridge,

Have Fun and “Develop Self Control”